hide your kids, hide your wife.

The zombie mutha-fuckin' apocalypse is upon us.

If you think we're kidding, read this article from WSVN in Miami, Florida.

Once you have read it, read this previous Sunny Side post.

Then go home, watch Zombieland and get ready to kick some ass.

You're welcome.

the slutification of our youth.

What the has happened to our youth?

Between the hand sanitizer cocktails and the vodka infused tampons, our future CEOs and entrepreneurs are some real winners.

But ladies! What the hell has happened to you?

(Past Youth)                                                                (Youth Today)

The prom dresses you wear look like two pieces of ribbon with some sadly sewn sequins. 

You think it's okay to ask everyone who uses YouTube if you're ugly/cute/pretty/sexy.

And you wear so much makeup, you all look like Courtney Stodden.

(That is not a compliment.)

And since parenting, morals and other similar factors have nothing to do with the slutification of our female youth, there must be someone to blame!

Oh yes, little teenie-boppers. There is:

RIHANNA.

Why you ask? Well, luckily enough for you, we've done our research and come up with these reasons why Rihanna is the sole reason for our teens lack of class and clothes.

1. Rude Boy.

This is the most blatantly sexual song we've ever heard (aside from 45% of the other shit that plays on the radio nowadays). Ever. If you need more proof then the video below, click here for the lyrics.

Come on rude boy, boy can you get it up? Come on rude boy, boy is you big enough? REALLY? Really? If our teenage girls think this is an appropriate way to ask for a cock in the face, then they are correct. 

BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S RIGHT, LADIES. Come on.

2. Chris Brown.

As soon as Rihanna got back together with her ex-beater of a boyfriend, Chris Brown, for the "Birthday Cake" remix,  she taught teenage girls a lesson: it's okay as long as you're gettin' money.

But it's not okay, Rihanna. It's not. Remember how your face felt? You can google it! All that money you're receiving from that Chris Brown remix, is not going to delete those photos from the internet.

3. Rihanna's Clothes. (Or lack thereof.)

Children! Shield your eyes! Just because Rihanna made a bikini out of Lisa Frank jewels for arts and crafts does not mean you should be dressing this way, too. 

4. Rihanna, well, she did this...which leads us to number five...

5. Rihanna Doesn't Give One Fuck.

And she continues to not give any fucks with this.

So girlfriends between the ages of, let's say 8-19: stop being so slutty! And if you feel the urge to continue with your slutified ways, don't blame your own morals or conscience or your parents for letting you go out looking like a hoe. Blame Rihanna, because obviously she is provoking you to give out handies and dance like a stripper.

Obviously.