the essence of a shower pocket.

There has been an awful plague that has been sweeping the nation.

Worse than Twi-Hards and annoying Facebookers. Combined.

What is this plague that has our eyes blinded with diamond encrusted Ed Hardy wear, our noses filled with the stench of spray tan and our hate for the term "wife beaters" reemerging?

Shower pockets.

For those who are unfamiliar with the term "shower pocket", allow us to explain in one word: Douchebag. Yes, as per Urban Dictionary, "shower pocket" is a slang term for douchebag.

There are a variety of shower pockets out there, so to help the ladies avoid dating one and the men avoid being one (and being found by us! Have you seen our "Shower Pocket of the Week"?), it's only fair to explain what the essence of a shower pocket really entails and how to spot them. We have done so in a few short steps.

Step One: Identifying the shower pocket's "coat".

When in the wild urban jungle, the easiest way to spot a shower pocket is by their attire. Example? The dangerously low V-Neck (seen below).

Andy Samberg and Ben Stiller really proved how shower pocket-esque V-Necks are in their latest SNL skit "V-Necks". To get a full understanding, click here to watch the very informative video.

If you believe to have spotted a shower pocket but he is not in his traditional v-neck, checking for some of these items may help you to distinguish whether or not he is in fact an SP. These items include (but are not limited to):

The Skinny Tie.

The popped collar(s).

(Nice toilet on your shirt, you SP.)

Tapout.

(News flash! You are not tougher by wearing this.)

The vest, tank top or no shirt at all.

(Shirts MUST be two sizes too small.)

Step Two: A shower pocket's "mane".

Hair is important to women. Hair is not that important to manly-men.

And somehow, hair is overly important to shower pockets.

If your manfriend uses mousse, hairspray, gel or any haircare products that are more expensive than yours, he is, indeed, a shower pocket. Case in point: Guy Feiri. Although your food may be delicious, your hair is shower pocketastic.

Step Three: Observing the shower pocket in their natural habitat.

Where ever do you find a shower pocket? (Aside from any state that begins with "New" and Europe.)

Da club. Da gym. And da salon (for hair and tanning).

Ladies, please be wary of these locations. In order to protect yourself, we often ask that women visit these places in groups as a precaution.

There have been a few technical advances in spotting shower pockets in their favorite locations through programs and apps like Foursquare.

Step Four: Mating habits of a shower pocket.

Of course there's a video.

There is nothing more to add here.

Step Five: A shower pocket's brain is not located where normal men's brains are located.

If you haven't spotted the fake bling, the sunglasses indoors, the barbed wire (Chinese symbol or tribal) tattoo and none of our steps have helped you, there is one final hint as to whether or not the man is a shower pocket.

A shower pocket's brain is not located in his cock, like normal, regular, manly-men. Oh no, his brain is actually located...

IN HIS ABS!

(DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THEM.)

Yes ladies! If they aren't wearing a v-neck, their hair doesn't resemble a porcupine, they aren't at da club and their pick up lines aren't completely repulsive then your final way of recognizing a shower pocket is by whether or not they: 1) show you their abs, 2) have pictures of themselves half-naked readily available for you to view or 3) the number they give is not their telephone number, but instead, the number of weight they bench press.

This is a significant indication that this man will take more time getting ready than you. He will go shopping with you only because he will be able to look at himself in every mirror, in every store. His severe manorexia will eventually lead to your own self-esteem issues, costing you thousands in pschological medical bills. Trust us. We're saving you money, here.

In conclusion, shower pockets are everywhere. They come in every size, shape and color. There are a variety of different genres and styles of shower pockets. But knowing the essence of a shower pocket and the best ways to spot them will only help protect you from becoming "Shower Pocket of the Week" or from an encounter that you WILL regret.

If you still need assistance identifying whether or not your boyfriend, friend or lover is a shower pocket, please click here or visit the infamous Hot Chicks with Douchebags website.

If you know a shower pocket (male or female!) that you would like to see be "Shower Pocket of the Week", please send your images to thesunnysides@live.com.